I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
