just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My ATM looks so different sober.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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