I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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