dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
