I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
