ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
