Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
