I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
