I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
