Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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