I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
