Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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