I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
