can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
