This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your penis caused this!
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