think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
