We're like a lot better than the average bears
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
