Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
