hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
