Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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