please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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