he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
