I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
