somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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