sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
