Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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