apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
