I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
