Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
