Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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