I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
