thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what the fuck happened to the tacos
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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