She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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