How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
