my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
