Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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