Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize