He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I met the friendliest cop last night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
