just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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