All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
