I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
