It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
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