every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
