Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
