she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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