well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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