I want to have your abortion
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
