the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
