Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
