remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
