This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
