It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
