girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
