you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
