Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
