I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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