i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
