a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
