I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
