I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
